The Real Root of Anxiety—and Why Connection Is the Cure

✨ What Anxiety Fears Most

I’ve faced a lot of anxiety over the years—different forms, different seasons. I’ve learned to fight it, question it, pray through it, and breathe through it. But one insight recently stopped me in my tracks.

When I heard leading Harvard psychologist Dr. David Rosmarin (one of the world’s top anxiety researchers) said this, I literally gasped:

👉🏼 “The ultimate root of anxiety is the fear of being alone.”

Read that again. 🫢

Not just being physically alone… But emotionally, spiritually, or relationally alone too. Alone in your pain, with your thoughts, in your overwhelm. Being left with the disorienting weight of rejection and abandonment.

When you trace anxiety all the way down, it almost always circles back to one question:

👉🏼 “Will anyone stay with me when I can’t hold it together?”

And suddenly… so much makes sense.

Even our sense of purpose is tied to connection. We want to matter to someone. We want our presence, our work, and our existence to count.

That desire is good and God-given.

Which is why Scripture keeps repeating the words we ache to hear:

📖 "Never will I leave you.” — Hebrews 13:5

So when anxiety whispers, “You’re on your own,” it strikes at belonging and purpose.

Think about it: if you were the last person on earth, what would there even be to be anxious about—growing your own green beans? 😅 There would be no rush, comparison, fear of judgment. You wouldn’t be hustling to impress or prove.

Anxiety is rarely about the task in front of you.

It's about connection. About wanting to be seen, supported, and safe. It's the quiet fear that maybe... we won’t be.

And ironically? We often chase relief in ways that make us feel more lonely.

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✨ The Hidden Fear Beneath Every Spiral

Listen to the stories anxiety tries to sell us:

🙅🏼‍♀️ “I’m too much.”

🙅🏾‍♀️ “I’m not enough.”

🙅🏿‍♀️ “No one will understand.”

🙅🏻‍♀️ “If people see the real me, they'll leave…”

🙅🏽‍♀️ “I don’t want to burden anyone.”

Every one of those fears carries the same thread:

👉🏼 I’ll be alone if I fail.

👉🏼 I’ll be alone if I’m honest.

👉🏼 I’ll be alone if I need help.

No wonder anxiety feels suffocating.

It’s not just the feeling. It's the fear behind the feeling.

Thousands of therapy sessions confirm it—even with strong, high-functioning women no one suspects are silently drowning:

😩 Under anxiety is the terror of abandonment.

Struggling alone.

Breaking alone.

Healing alone.

Failing alone.

And the enemy LOVES that fear.

He uses isolation to deepen it.

So the whispers keep coming: 😈 “You’re too much.”

👻 “You’re on your own.”

👿 “No one will stay.”

And because most of us have lived through real relational wounds... we believe him.

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✨ Where This Fear Comes From

That fear didn’t come from nowhere.

We fear the people we need most won't show up because, at some point, someone didn’t. Or didn’t stay. Or didn’t protect us.

Some of us grew up emotionally, spiritually, or physically alone.

Some felt unseen by those who should’ve known us best.

Some felt unsafe with those who should've loved us best.

Some know the ache of betrayal, rejection, disappointment, or abuse.

Parents. Partners. Friends. Babysitters. Family members. Co-workers. Church leaders.

And quietly, without meaning to, we start wondering if God might pull away too.

🤍👉🏼 Can I pause here?

I am so sorry.

The fact that your eyes are reading this means you’ve likely carried pain most people never see. That undoes me. Truly.

I wish I could sit with you for a moment and listen.

When your nervous system has learned abandonment, you don’t just think anxious—you feel anxious. Your body remembers.

So when anxiety rises, it feels like confirmation:

💭 “I’m alone.”

💭 “I’m unprotected.”

💭 “I’m unseen.”

And those fears can leak into how we imagine God:

❔ Would He distance from me?

❔ Is He tired of me?

❔ Can He handle me?

❔ Am I too much for Him, too?

But hear me: those thoughts are not truth.

When my body tenses, I remind myself:

My body is remembering, not predicting.

You're not weak. You're not being "extra". You're not broken.

You were simply never meant to carry life without love, support, or presence.

And thank God—you don’t have to.

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✨ Connection is the Antidote

The antidote to the root fear beneath anxiety is connection.

Connection with God and connection with others.

Before you ever asked, God answered with truth that overrides your history:

📖 "Do not fear, for I am with you..." Isaiah 41:10 📖 “I am with you always.” — Matthew 28:20 📖 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted.” — Psalm 34:18 📖 "God is... an ever-present help in trouble.” — Psalm 46:1 📖 “Never will I leave you.” — Hebrews 13:5

Not “sometimes” or “when you’re doing well.”

Always. Close. Present.

⓵ God is the first proof of safe belonging.

He factored in your spirals, your fear, your overwhelm—and He still chose to stay.

God's real love looks like 1 Cor. 13—He protects, comforts, lifts, responds, speaks truth, draws near.

And then, as you choose brave vulnerability...

⓶ Trusted community becomes the second proof.

Healing rarely happens alone — and almost always happens in connection. 👩🏼‍🤝‍👩🏽

Yes, some people hurt you. But God also sends people who help rebuild you.

He designed you to be held and led through the voices, presence, and compassion of the people who love you.

The enemy uses isolation to reinforce fear. God uses community to restore belonging.

So when fear is loud? Reach out. Say the honest thing. Let someone stand with you.

This has not come easy for me, but it's been one of the biggest game-changers in my life.

👉🏼 Just last week, I voice-messaged and then called a close friend while crying my eyes out. She reminded me of truth I couldn't see, imparted courage to me — and suddenly, I could breathe again. Then I knew exactly what to do.

Because when someone mirrors God’s love, your nervous system steadies—and anxiety loses its grip.

You remember: I’m not alone. I’m held.

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✨ Try This Next Time Anxiety Hits

You don’t need a full therapy session or a spiritual strategy (though I highly recommend both 😉).

Just start here:

👉🏼 Put your hand on your heart and breathe deeply.

👉🏼 Whisper, “Jesus, You’re here with me right now.”

👉🏼 Then ask, “What am I afraid of?” and “What do You want me to know?”

Let your body remember what's true: you are not alone.

And if the fear is still loud? Reach out. Text someone. Share the moment. Let yourself be seen. Being seen helps anxiety lose its edge.

Connection interrupts anxiety at its root. 🌿

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✨ You Belong — and God Will Not Leave You

NOTHING can separate you from God’s love.

And He is faithful to surround you with people who help restore safe belonging.

If you need a community that echoes that truth… we’re here.

Revival Life exists to help women heal, hear God’s voice clearly, and walk in God-given purpose together.

His presence is the antidote.

And He’s not going anywhere. 💕

👉🏼 And if you need a reminder, listen to Not Going Anywhere

I'm praying that perfect love would settle your heart, calm your body, chase out every fear, and fill every need. I pray that you would feel Jesus, the Prince of Peace, there in the room with you 🥹, and how He truly cares about every little thing. And that you experience to your core what’s true:

You are not alone. You are held. You are loved.

“Pour out all your worries and stress upon him and leave them there, for He always tenderly cares for you.” — 1 Peter 5:7

So much love! 🫶🏼

Kelsi