The Real Root of Anxiety—and Why Connection Is the Cure

✨ What Anxiety Fears Most

I’ve faced a lot of anxiety over the years—different forms, different seasons. I’ve learned to fight it, question it, pray through it, and breathe through it. But one insight recently stopped me in my tracks.

When leading Harvard psychologist Dr. David Rosmarin (one of the world’s top anxiety researchers) said this, I literally gasped:

👉🏼 “The ultimate root of anxiety is the fear of being alone.”

Read that again. 🫢

Not just being physically alone… But emotionally alone, spiritually alone, relationally alone. Alone in your pain, with your thoughts, in your overwhelm. Being left with the disorienting weight of rejection and abandonment.

When you trace anxiety all the way down, it almost always circles back to one question:

👉🏼 “Will anyone stay with me when I can’t hold it together?”

And when you sit with that, it suddenly makes sense.

Even our sense of purpose is tied to connection. We want to matter to someone. We want our presence, our work, our existence to make a difference.

That desire is good and God-given.

So when anxiety whispers, “You’re on your own,” it strikes at both peace and purpose.

Think about it: if you were the last person on earth, what would there even be to be anxious about—growing your own green beans? 😅 You wouldn’t be rushed, compared, or judged. You wouldn’t be hustling to impress anyone or prove anything. Because anxiety is rarely about the surface-level tasks.

It's about belonging. It's about wanting to be seen, supported, and connected. It's the quiet fear that maybe... we won’t be.

And ironically? We often chase relief in ways that make us feel more lonely.

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✨ The Hidden Fear Beneath Every Spiral

Listen to the stories anxiety tries to sell us:

🙅🏼‍♀️ “I’m too much.”

🙅🏾‍♀️ “I’m not enough.”

🙅🏿‍♀️ “No one will understand.”

🙅🏻‍♀️ “If people see the real me, they'll leave…”

🙅🏽‍♀️ “I don’t want to burden anyone.”

Every one of those fears is threaded with:

👉🏼 “I’ll be alone if I fail.”

👉🏼 “I’ll be alone if I’m honest.”

👉🏼 “I’ll be alone if I need help.”

No wonder anxiety feels suffocating.

It’s not just the feeling. It's the fear behind the feeling.

Thousands of therapy sessions confirm it—even with strong, high-functioning women no one suspects are silently drowning:

😩 Under anxiety is the terror of abandonment.

Loving alone. Parenting alone. Struggling alone. Breaking alone. Praying alone. Healing alone. Failing alone.

And the enemy LOVES that fear. He uses isolation to deepen it.

The enemy whispers: 😈 “You’re too much.”

👻 “You’re on your own.”

👿 “No one will stay.”

And because most of us have walked through real relational wounds—we believe him.

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✨ Where This Fear Comes From

That fear didn’t come from nowhere.

We fear the people we need most won't show up because, at some point, someone didn’t. Or didn’t stay. Or didn’t protect us.

Some of us grew up emotionally, spiritually, or physically alone.

Some felt unseen by the very people who should’ve known us best.

Some felt unsafe with the loves who should've loved us best.

Some know the ache of betrayal, rejection, disappointment, or abuse.

Parents. Partners. Friends. Babysitters. Family members. Co-workers. Church leaders.

And quietly, without meaning to, we start wondering if God might pull away too.

🤍👉🏼 Can I pause to say something gently? I am so sorry. The thought that your eyes reading these words have witnessed pain—seen or unseen—undoes me. I wish I could sit with you for a minute, truly. You’ve carried more than most people will ever know.

I know too that when your nervous system has learned abandonment, you don’t just think anxious—you feel anxious. Your body remembers. Your heart remembers. Your breath remembers.

So when anxiety rises, it feels like confirmation of the old narrative:

💭 “I’m alone.”

💭 “I’m unprotected.”

💭 “I’m unseen.”

And that story slips into how we see God:

❔ Would He distance Himself with disappointment?

❔ Is He tired of me?

❔ Can He handle me?

❔ Am I too much for Him, too?

But hear me: those thoughts are not the truth.

You're not weak. You're not being "extra". You're not broken. You were simply never meant to carry life without love, support, or presence.

And thank God—you don’t have to.

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✨ Connection is the Antidote

The antidote to the root fear beneath anxiety—abandonment—is connection.

Connection with God and connection with others.

First, God stepped in before you were born with truth that overrules your history:

“Never will I leave you.” — Hebrews 13:5 “I am with you always.” — Matthew 28:20 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted.” — Psalm 34:18 "God is... an ever-present help in trouble.” — Psalm 46:1

He didn’t say “sometimes” or “when you’re good enough.”

He said always. Never. Close. Ever-present.

God is the first proof of safe belonging.

Even now, it's His presence and voice comforts. He protects. He lifts. He responds. He speaks truth. He draws near. This is what real love looks like (1 Cor. 13).

God factored in your spirals, your fear, your overwhelm, your shame, your heartbreak, your confusion—and He still chose to stay.

And then, as you choose brave vulnerability?

Trusted community becomes the second proof.

God designed you to be held in both. He often speaks through the voices, presence, and compassion of the people who love you.

Here’s what I know now:

Healing rarely happens alone — and almost always happens in connection.

Yes, some people hurt you. But God also has people who will help rebuild you.

The enemy uses isolation to reinforce fear. God uses community to restore belonging.

So when fear is loud? Reach out. Say the honest thing. Let someone stand with you.

This has not come easy for me, but it's been one of the biggest game-changers in my life.

👉🏼 Just last week, I voice-messaged and then called a close friend while crying my eyes out. She reminded me of truth I couldn't see, imparted courage to me — and suddenly, I could breathe again.

Because when someone reflects God’s love back to you, your nervous system steadies and anxiety loses its grip.

You remember:

I’m not alone. Physically, emotionally, spiritually—I’m held.

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✨ Try This Next Time Anxiety Hits

You don’t need a full therapy session or a spiritual strategy (though I highly recommend both 😉).

Just three gentle steps:

👉🏼 Put your hand on your heart and breathe deeply.

👉🏼 Whisper, “Jesus, You’re here with me right now.”

👉🏼 Then ask, “What am I afraid of?” and “What do You want me to know?”

Let your body remember: you are not alone.

And if the fear still feels loud? Reach out. Text someone. Share the moment. Let someone remind you of what’s true. Being seen helps anxiety lose its edge.

That simple act of reaching in and reaching out interrupts fear at its root and lets peace return. 🌿

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✨ You Belong — and God Will Not Leave You

NOTHING can separate you from God’s love.

And He is faithful to surround you with people who will help rebuild safe belonging.

If you need a community that echoes that truth… we’re here. Truly.

Revival Life exists to help women heal, hear God’s voice clearly, and step into the purpose He designed them for. You don’t have to walk alone. Not ever.

His presence is the antidote. And He’s not going anywhere. 💕

👉🏼 And if you need a reminder, listen to Not Going Anywhere

I'm praying for YOU reading this today... that perfect love would settle your heart, calm your body, chase out every fear, and fill every need.

I pray that you would feel Jesus, the Prince of Peace, there in the room with you 🥹, and how He truly cares about every little thing.

I pray you are reminded to your core of what’s true:

You are not alone. You are held. You are loved.

“Pour out all your worries and stress upon him and leave them there, for He always tenderly cares for you.” — 1 Peter 5:7

So much love! 🫶🏼

Kelsi